1. Open ALL your pleasure circuits.
Yes, the cock has 4,000-24,000 nerve endings (depending on size and circumcision). We like that.
But the entire body has over 3 MILLION nerve endings spread over 20 square feet of skin. You have 10,000 taste buds and 40 million olfactory receptor cells. That’s not even counting muscles, eyes and ears!
Face it, you’ve been listening to the music of sex on blown-out, tinny junk speakers, when you could be enjoying a surround-sound 6-channel home-theater-quality experience. Why settle?
If you’re tensing up during sex and speeding to get to the finish line, your pleasure senses are shutting down. Seriously. This is incredibly counterproductive.
Rapid breathing and tense muscles signal danger and trip the nervous system’s fight-or-flight response. The body races to ejaculate so you’re ready to fend off an attack.
Your system is flooded with survival hormones designed to make you paranoid and aggressive.
(Imagine what that does to the emotional connection with your partner!)
3. Slow down your breathing.
This reverses the fight-or-flight signals to your sympathetic nervous system. Ahhhh! In a few minutes, your partner will start feeling less like an enemy – and more like a lover.
Slow breathing will allow you both to sync up and move into shared experience.
The breath is the largest and most controllable pulse in your body. Steady breathing brings all the other pulses (from heartbeat to biochemical arousal to quivering desire) into rhythmic coherence. It’s like the steady drummer who lays down a groove that all the other instruments then dance around.
When you breathe in rhythm with your partner, you’ll automatically fall into love. Instead of a rush of those paranoid-aggression hormones, your bloodstreams will be swimming with oxytocin and the other biochemicals of bliss.
4. Turn off the mental porn channel.
If you’re narrating a porn scene in your head, you’re distracting attention from the ACTUAL sensations in your turned-on body.
Not to mention the ACTUAL human being you’ve gone to all the trouble to get into your bed.
Why bother having sex if you’re only going to rerun the same tired fantasies in your own private mental theater? (See Step #1: second-rate speakers.)
Unplug your chattering monkey mind. Open your eyes and enjoy what’s in front of you.
The more sensation you can feel in your body, the less those second-hand thoughts will even register.
Yes, it’s possible for real sex to feel better than porn. But you’ve got to get out of your head and into your body for that to happen.
5. Pay attention to your senses. All of your senses.
A relaxed body, breathing slowly and deeply, will tingle with limitless sensations. The slightest movement will roll through solid flesh like waves. You’ll remember why sex can be better than drugs.
The more you focus on your body, the more fresh and unexpected your experience becomes.
It’s true that men are wired to seek variety. The mind says we need a fresh partner… but when you turn up your senses, you’ll notice all kinds of things you were oblivious to before. What’s been stale is not necessarily your partner. It’s your own dull habits of perception.
Feel your fingers, toes, individual hairs, sounds, smells, colors… first your own, then your partner’s.
Welcome to the world, my friend! It’s a lot bigger than your head.
6. Forget about your cock for awhile.
Cock-focused stimulation can get you off too fast. Or keep you from noticing her.
Instead of peaking early, and trying hard to get back in the game, let your body take you up a series of steps. Each step becomes a new plateau, better than the last, more open, intense and ecstatic.
At each step, open up another sense. Spread the wealth around. Sight, sound, touch, taste, smell. Amplify your attention to that new sense.
At each step, spread your attention away from your cock and toward your extremities. Shoulders, hands, fingers, knees, feet, toes, face, ears, hair…
If you slow down instead of speeding up when you get close, you’ll remain on the delicious edge of cumming. You’ll be matching your partner instead of beating her to the finish line.
You can play on these plateaus for as long as you wish, until you both decide to roll on into orgasm.
7. Let sex be a truly shared experience.
Instead of being trapped in your own head, or focused on getting her off, imagine your whole body (head to toe) dancing and moving with her whole body.
Breathe deeply and slowly to relax those bodies, and open up new areas to pleasure.
Include the genitals and usual erogenous zones, but don’t linger there. Spread your attention everywhere.
Talk about what you’re experiencing and exploring. Appreciate her body and her touch.
Slow down, drop out of your head and into your senses.
Take each other to new plateaus. Keep pace with each other.
The more you both sync up, the closer you’ll feel. The more your bodies will pulse together, and feed each other’s pleasure.
When you finally cum, your whole body will tremble.
That will open up and activate even MORE pleasure circuits… and in no time at all, you’ll be rolling through whole-body orgasms.